February 26, 2010, Newsletter Issue #351: Mom-Me Time Guilt

Tip of the Week

It never fails. All my good intensions to be healthy, to be strong and able to think about running a marathon without vomiting, always seem to fall in the trash by mid-morning because someone else needs something.
I have no idea if it's something that's hardwired or if moms (and dads too) simply learn by osmosis to put ourselves aside for the needs, wants, of everyone else in the world, especially our children.
I love my family and would kill for them, but when it comes to putting myself forward, not first, but forward or how about closer to the top of the daily "to do" list, life happens. But does it really? Am I looking for a way out so that I can say, "Yeah, I did really intend to go to that spin class, but I needed to run some errands first."
I think the want to make everyone else happy in a home isn't pushed on us as females. Well, I take that back, it is pushed on us growing up, watching mothers, grandmothers, aunts, friend's moms, trying to make things nice, smooth over chaos, and look as though they love every moment of it. I think about my grandmothers and how each of their lives weren't the most lovely growing up or even when they were raising families, but who's wasn't at some time or another?
With the women's movement, it gave women the voice to say "This is what I want" and even "This is what I'm going to do for myself to make me happy." The movement, although it has its flaws, did give women the permission to choose their lives, but it didn't help any of us with the guilt that went with it.
Even with choosing to stay home or continue to work (whether they need to or not), I see more pressure not to put yourself forward.
The supermommy complex of "I can do it all, sacrifice myself for the greater good that is my family" is back with avengence. Didn't we give this up?
Why is it that Mom-Me time is seen as selfish? Why is it when moms take the time to care for themselves, pursue their interests, attend a book club or go to dinner with friends, it raises eyebrows and blood pressures?
It shouldn't. Men have been "hanging out with the boys" for years, so why when women use pre-school or babysitting or nannies to help them through the day, other mothers start to whisper? It's as though there's this ultra secret group of people who can do it all and judge others who need help to squeeze in 30 hours of work into 24.
The whisperers shouldn't be doing anything, but applauding the effort a woman (or man) is taking to keep themselves healthy. Whether it's attending a step class or reading a good book, it shouldn't matter. Everyone needs down time.
So when questioning whether I should spend time on myself or everyone else, I've become a little selfish, for good reasons. I want to be around, be happy, be healthy for my family and make the time I do spend with them worth their time as well as mine.

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