May 21, 2010, Newsletter Issue #363: Gender Roles?

Tip of the Week

 
A month or more ago, I write an entry about a woman I overheard at Target telling her son the Barbie and doll section of the store was the “Unimaginative Section.” Many of you wrote in, supporting my rant. One of you didn't and even said I should get a sense of humor because it’s possible this woman was kidding.
My first reaction to this was to write “I have a very good sense of humor”, but felt it was a mute point (or moo point—a cow’s opinion as Joey from Friends would say). Then I thought about it and maybe this person could be right. I have always had a very short fuse when it comes to gender roles, pigeonholing someone to be something they can or can’t be because of what anatomy they were born with. The fuse became considerably shorter after having children. I make it a point to tell our girls if they are willing to do the work, learn the schooling, and commit to goals, they have a great chance of making them happen. I don’t appreciate someone saying such narrow minded comments, even if they are kidding. I don’t get that humor at all. Comments like that only breed intolerance and perpetuate the ideas.
Then my eyes were opened to my own short-comings.
Sunday, we were out purchasing a big girl bed for our younger daughter. I gave her the choice of picking out her sheets and comforter and figured she’d pick out princess, flowers, butterflies or something of the like. Nope, out of all the girly, frilly, pink bed sets she could choose, she decided on Buzz and Woody Toy Story’s Buddy Brigade. The blue, orange, green and white sheet and comforter set is very cute, but I heard myself say, “Don’t you want the purple kitties with flowers or the princess one?”
“No, I want Buzz and Woody.” She smiled and jumped up and down. “Buzz and Woody! Buzz and Woody! Yeah!”
Okay, I gave her the choice and this had been her decision and yet I still asked her again if she wanted the other, more girly ones.
No, she was sure of her decision. So much so that she carried the sheet set to the cashier.
Certainly a daughter of mine, who’d shown her love for fashion and lip gloss, would pick the more traditional female items, but she threw me. Then I had to laugh at the whole thing.
My father wasn’t a big supporter of things girly. He felt me learning how to do more things, some of which were traditional male chores, would help me know that my boundaries were endless. Remember, this was the start of the women’s movement and he was all for equal pay for equal work and giving people the chance to do jobs if they were willing to put in the blood, sweat and tears to earn it. I appreciated him not giving me a narrow view of life options, but I also remember fighting with him on anything remotely girly—specifically clothes and how girls dress. He went for more of a lumberjack, practical, clothes that last approach. I didn't want to look like I drove a truck for a living, so we didn't agree on clothes until I bought my own.
When my daughters came along, I told myself that I would let them choose whatever they wanted when it came to decorating their rooms and clothes (within reasonable cost). On Sunday, I got a very big taste of reality soup when I stopped myself from changing my daughter’s mind.
Now, ironically, I realize that I’d also put my daughters in categories when there was no need for it.
When we got home, she grabbed her Jessie Doll and said “Look Jessie at my bed.” The sparkle in her eyes is something I won’t forget because she felt like a big girl and I let her make that decision all her own.
No, I didn’t make an announcement to the store that I thought the Toy Story items were only for boys. No, I didn’t tell her that only boys get to have those kinds of things so I think I did better than the women I mentioned before. Not announcing my opinion on gender roles to everyone in the general vicinity, but this isn't a tit for tat thing. It's a figure your own child out thing and let them be kids.
But it left me to wonder, if we ever have a boy and he wanted the purple kitty and flowers set or the princess set, would I be as open-minded?
I truly hope so.

 

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